When I'm Sick :(~

I feel horrible. Headache, body aches, fatigue, off and on fever, and this cough, ripping my throat apart. But I just want to dance. I have choreography clips running through my head. Both the choreo. ABC is working on for Rakkasah and combinations for teaching. Can I do any of this? No. I tried to do an on-line bellydance class yesterday, but I could only sit in my chair moving my arms and pretending to move my hips. No energy to get up and actually do the moves. After 10 minutes, I was wiped out.

I'm restless and bored. I just want to be able to do things. Lying around, I can't fall asleep, walking around, I get tired and just want to lie down. This flu thing sucks, and sucks the life out of you.

Tomorrow night is class/mandatory rehearsal. We're performing at Rakkasah in 4 weeks. I know the choreography, but I certainly need fine tuning - all of the rehearsal time I can get. I don't know if I'll be able to drive the 45 minutes to get to class, nevermind actually participate. Breathing is compromised, lungs hurt. My stomach muscles are getting a workout just coughing. Maybe that's the upside to this.

I also have to teach Tuesday morning and Wednesday night. I'm sure I'll be fine by Wednesday, and hopefully not contagious anymore. And even if I'm a bit tired, I can probably still muster enough strength to bark out instructions, even if I can't participate fully in class this week.

But Tuesday morning is a private lesson at a woman's house who has a 2 year old. I don't know if it is prudent to go there. I'll see how I feel tomorrow evening. I wouldn't want to infect the house with the flu, nor wear myself out by dancing too much.

I haven't been sick like this since 2005, DAYS before the first Hudson Valley Hafla, where I was hosting Alta Gracia to teach and perform. I also had a student performance and a solo planned. Sadly, every time I lifted my arms during the workshop, I quickly got out of breath. And I'd brought Alta Gracia because I wanted to study with her. By the end of the day, I was able to perform with my students, and actually made it through my own solo, which was comprised in part by floorwork. If you have ever done floorwork, then you know how strenuous it is.

Well, all I can say to sum this up is that I had to write something here. It's been a while since I created and last posted in this space, and I felt I needed to put something down. I'm young and healthy and I know I'll feel better soon. But in the meantime, I'm feeling a prisoner in my own body, mentally wanting to get up and DANCE, but physically unable to muster the energy or enthusiasm to do so.